The story of the love between Jacob and Rachel is probably the most romantic in the whole Bible. Thing is, I believe this is a love story about Leah too.
Love at First Sight
Genesis chapter twenty-nine starts out with Jacob leaving home in search of a wife and way to take care of his family. He journeyed back to his family's ancestral land of Haran, where he knew he could find someone of faith to marry. Upon arriving, he sees Rachel with the sheep, and he learns that she is his cousin, the daughter of his uncle Laban. (Genesis 29:1-9)
Verse ten shows us what appears to be love at first sight:
Leah's Tender Eyes
This account tells us: "Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured". In researching what "tender eyed" means, I find there's a lot of speculation. Some wonder if she had a lazy eye, or bulging eyes or something like that. The Hebrew word for "tender" also has a connotation of "weak". So what are weak eyes? Traditionally, we believe that Leah's "tender eyes" were a reference to her appearance, but this interpretation never has sat right with me. It feels like something is missing, like there's something we don't understand.
I've come to read this phrase to mean that Leah had "tender eyes" or a "weakness" for Jacob that showed in the way she looked at him.
Admittedly, much what you are about to read is conjecture, but I'll show you my reasons for believing Leah had "tender eyes" for Jacob, but Rachel was beautiful to him, the one he loved. I remind my readers that this blog is not a Church publication, and I make ample room for the possibility that I am wrong in my belief, so if you ever read any statement by a prophet or apostle that contradicts this, definitely go with the prophets and apostles! It is entirely possible that this "tender eyes" phrase is merely a description of Leah's appearance, but even so, I believe there is enough other material here to suggest that Leah had feelings for Jacob before they were married.
Love at First Sight
Genesis chapter twenty-nine starts out with Jacob leaving home in search of a wife and way to take care of his family. He journeyed back to his family's ancestral land of Haran, where he knew he could find someone of faith to marry. Upon arriving, he sees Rachel with the sheep, and he learns that she is his cousin, the daughter of his uncle Laban. (Genesis 29:1-9)
Verse ten shows us what appears to be love at first sight:
"And
it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his
mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, that
Jacob went near, and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother. And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept." (Genesis 29:10-11)
Jacob tells her they are cousins. The Bible gives us no indication that dating and marrying cousins was unusual at the time:
"And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s brother, and that he was Rebekah’s son: and she ran and told her father." (Genesis 29:12)
Laban then learns of Jacob's arrival. Jacob stays with them for a time, working hard and helping them out. Laban, seeing Jacob's hard work, asked him what he would like to be paid:
"And
it came to pass, when Laban heard the tidings of Jacob his sister’s
son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him, and kissed him, and
brought him to his house. And he told Laban all these things. And Laban said to him, Surely thou art my bone and my flesh. And he abode with him the space of a month. And Laban said unto Jacob, Because thou art my brother, shouldest thou therefore serve me for nought? tell me, what shall thy wages be? And Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured. And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter. And Laban said, It is better that I give her to thee, than that I should give her to another man: abide with me." (Genesis 29:13-19)
Leah's Tender Eyes
This account tells us: "Leah was tender eyed; but Rachel was beautiful and well favoured". In researching what "tender eyed" means, I find there's a lot of speculation. Some wonder if she had a lazy eye, or bulging eyes or something like that. The Hebrew word for "tender" also has a connotation of "weak". So what are weak eyes? Traditionally, we believe that Leah's "tender eyes" were a reference to her appearance, but this interpretation never has sat right with me. It feels like something is missing, like there's something we don't understand.
I've come to read this phrase to mean that Leah had "tender eyes" or a "weakness" for Jacob that showed in the way she looked at him.
Admittedly, much what you are about to read is conjecture, but I'll show you my reasons for believing Leah had "tender eyes" for Jacob, but Rachel was beautiful to him, the one he loved. I remind my readers that this blog is not a Church publication, and I make ample room for the possibility that I am wrong in my belief, so if you ever read any statement by a prophet or apostle that contradicts this, definitely go with the prophets and apostles! It is entirely possible that this "tender eyes" phrase is merely a description of Leah's appearance, but even so, I believe there is enough other material here to suggest that Leah had feelings for Jacob before they were married.
Uncle Laban: Trickster, or Loving Father?
And behold, it was Leah
We see Jacob serve his seven years for Rachel. Jacob loved Rachel so much that the seven years "seemed but a few days to him". When the seven years were up, Jacob asked Laban for Rachel's hand in marriage. Instead of giving him Rachel, Laban tricked him into marrying Leah:
We see Jacob serve his seven years for Rachel. Jacob loved Rachel so much that the seven years "seemed but a few days to him". When the seven years were up, Jacob asked Laban for Rachel's hand in marriage. Instead of giving him Rachel, Laban tricked him into marrying Leah:
"And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. And Laban gathered together all the men of the place, and made a feast. And it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter, and brought her to him; and he went in unto her. And Laban gave unto his daughter Leah Zilpah his maid for an handmaid. And it came to pass, that in the morning, behold, it was Leah..."
Leah's wedding dre-uh, ...disguise?
What I don't understand about this account is, how could Jacob get through an entire wedding night, into the morning, complete with consummation of the marriage, before he figured out that the woman he'd married was not Rachel, but Leah? Were they identical twins, or nearly so? If that's the case, I imagine Jacob had probably mixed up the two and kissed the wrong girl more than once before - no wonder Leah's in love with him! Maybe that's where Laban got the idea to pull this switch in the first place. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't be so tongue-in-cheek when it comes to reading the scriptures, but it seems to me the two women would have had to have a similar appearance and figure, and that Leah would have had to wear a veil over her face the whole time. Who knows, maybe Jacob needed glasses. In any case, the Bible doesn't give us enough details to really sort out what actually happened, and we are left to wonder how this deception was even possible to begin with.
Wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
The account continues:
"...and [Jacob] said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?" (Genesis 29:20-25)
Leah's wedding dre-uh, ...disguise?
What I don't understand about this account is, how could Jacob get through an entire wedding night, into the morning, complete with consummation of the marriage, before he figured out that the woman he'd married was not Rachel, but Leah? Were they identical twins, or nearly so? If that's the case, I imagine Jacob had probably mixed up the two and kissed the wrong girl more than once before - no wonder Leah's in love with him! Maybe that's where Laban got the idea to pull this switch in the first place. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't be so tongue-in-cheek when it comes to reading the scriptures, but it seems to me the two women would have had to have a similar appearance and figure, and that Leah would have had to wear a veil over her face the whole time. Who knows, maybe Jacob needed glasses. In any case, the Bible doesn't give us enough details to really sort out what actually happened, and we are left to wonder how this deception was even possible to begin with.
Wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?
The account continues:
"...and [Jacob] said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? did not I serve with thee for Rachel? wherefore then hast thou beguiled me?" (Genesis 29:20-25)
Laban's response to Jacob's question is somewhat legalistic:
"And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. Fulfil her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years. And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week: and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also." (Genesis 29:26-28)
At first glance, we see in this act of Laban's a trickster and a stickler for tradition. But if we are open to the possibility that Leah had "tender eyes" for Jacob, this whole story takes on another dimension. We have to remember the great sense of fairness Laban demonstrated in offering to pay Jacob for the work he was doing as a family member and a guest. The way the offer of employment was extended, I'm not sure paying family was expected, especially when room and board were offered, so this shows some generosity on Laban's part as well. So why would someone with such a deep sense of fairness, such generosity, who obviously was pleased to have his nephew come and live and work with him, do such a thing?
Laban's Dilemma: Two Daughters in Love
I believe it had to do with what, to me, is the high likelihood that, for seven years, while Jacob and Rachel were caught up with each other, Laban had often noticed the way Leah looked at Jacob.
Laban knew he had seven years in which to find Leah a husband. He had plenty of time to meet the traditional requirement that the firstborn be given in marriage before younger daughters. Why did Laban choose not to do this? They obviously lived in a place were eligible suitors were available; that was Jacob's reason for coming. I can't help but think he offered to facilitate the search for a husband, only to encounter resistance from Leah. I believe Laban agonized over what to do about Leah and her feelings for Jacob for the entire seven years. Luckily for Laban - and for Leah - polygamy was a commonly practiced option at the time. The Bible gives no indication that Laban or Jacob consulted with religious authorities beforehand - requirement for entry into polygamous marriage, but that doesn't mean it didn't take place. The writer may have assumed we would know that. This requirement does, however cast some doubt on the deception aspect of the story. How would Laban obtain this authorization without Jacob?
Can you imagine the conversation Laban must have had with Rachel upon deciding to "beguile" Jacob? I can't imagine a good man like Laban depriving Rachel of the wedding night and honeymoon week that were rightfully hers without at least letting Rachel know what he was doing and why. I can't imagine a good man like Laban doing something like this unless Rachel was okay with it. The account gives us no reason to suspect that Rachel objected in the least. In fact, we can infer from this account that Rachel was party to the deception. For all we know, it might have even been Rachel's idea. If her father did notify her before the fact, then Rachel kept what was about to happen from Jacob. I think Rachel too had seen the way Leah looked at Jacob. Thanks to a very different attitude toward polygamy at the time, Rachel and Laban both saw it as a way for the two women to have what their hearts desired. Just one ultimately tiny problem: Jacob didn't reciprocate Leah's feelings. It was the hope and belief of Laban, Rachel, and most of all Leah, that though he were tricked into it, Jacob would take care of Leah and be good to her, that in time, he would grow to love her too.
The other thing of which we traditionally accuse Laban is extorting another seven years of slave labor out of Jacob. I believe what really happened is that Laban wanted Leah to be as happily married as Rachel - to a man she loved, and who loved her. It makes me emotional to think that this loving father only wanted Leah to feel that she was every bit as worthy as Rachel was of Jacob's seven years of sweat. To me, this interpretation is much more consistent with Laban's character as we saw it earlier in the story. I think Laban felt the only way to get Leah happily married and have Jacob earn both daughters equally was to deceive him in this way. This ruse was not so much about tricking Jacob and sticking to tradition as it was about trying to do right by Leah.
Laban couldn't bring himself to just come right out and say, "Hey, Leah's in love with you too; howzabout a double wedding?" He wasn't at all sure Jacob would agree to such a proposal, given the moral considerations involved in the legal use of polygamy, given Jacob's lack of feelings for Leah, and given that another seven years of work were involved. So he arranged things in a way that seems to have ended up being perfectly acceptable to Jacob, once he understood Laban's intent. Once Jacob and Laban had a chance to understand each other, the Bible gives us no further no indication of any objection on Jacob's part - he "fulfilled [Leah's] week" before being married to Rachel, and he agreed to work the extra seven years. Here we see a glimpse of Jacob's great integrity in honoring a marriage covenant he had been tricked into making. How many of us would have been quick to cry foul and try to weasel our way out of this situation? I suppose it's possible he just didn't have the heart to retro-actively leave Leah at the altar, knowing how she felt about him, especially since he had already "[gone] in unto her" or, in other words, they had consummated the marriage.
I can't help but think of how Leah must have felt when she learned of her father's intent with regard to her, and of Jacob's reaction to this whole thing. Jacob was understandably confused and probably angry at the deception. But, having heard Laban's explanation, and probably being well aware of Leah's feelings for him, he too wanted to do right by Leah. For seven years, they had sought to sweep the elephant of Leah's feelings under the rug in light of Jacob's relationship with Rachel. But now, Leah was free to have what she so badly longed for, and Jacob was free to give it to her, it being evident that he chose to do exactly that. She must have been overjoyed - and all the more hopeful - that the day was not far off when Jacob would love her as he did Rachel.
Leah's Love for Jacob - Unrequited For a Time
Understandably, Leah's and Jacob's marriage started off without Jacob having much in the way of feelings for Leah. What feelings Jacob might have had toward Leah would have been those of friendship and respect, caring for someone who, like Rachel, was family, and with whom he'd also spent the previous seven years working on the family ranch. They knew each other very well, but their relationship was nothing like what Jacob had with Rachel.
Jacob knew this would not be enough. He had agreed to work seven years for Leah, as he had done for Rachel. This was very clearly a commitment to Laban - an expectation set by Laban - that he would love Leah as he did Rachel - even if it took time to get to where he genuinely felt that way. It says a great deal about Jacob to know that Laban wanted him to have both his daughters as wives. I don't think Jacob had it in his heart to let a fellow human being in Leah's position go unloved, especially since he had agreed to do otherwise, both through marriage and through a new work contract with her father.
Still, it took time to build that kind of relationship with her. The Bible account shows us a lovesick Leah pining after her husband for years, even to the point that her pining guided the naming of her sons:
"And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid. And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the Lord hath heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon." (Genesis 29:29-33)
We have to remember that, in this context, the word "hate" has a stronger connotation for us than it did for them. "Hate" didn't mean there was animosity; it just meant Jacob loved Rachel and not Leah as yet, and Leah knew it. If we assume the sons were born about the same time apart as children in our day, then I posit that Reuben was born in the first year after the marriages, and Simeon was born two or three years later.
Sometime between Simeon and Levi, Leah began to feel that Jacob reciprocated her love for him - a thing which inspired the naming of the next two sons:
"And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the Lord: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing." (Genesis 29:34-35)
In other words, by the time Jacob had worked his seven years for Leah, her hope had been fulfilled. She had done everything in her power to love Jacob, hoping and praying for the day when he would love her too, and in the end, she was not disappointed.
Although Jacob "fell in love" with Rachel and had no difficulty sacrificing to have her in his life, the fact that he made the same sacrifice in order to do right by Leah shows that he understood the substance of what it means to be a husband, a spouse. Yes, he was influenced and motivated by his powerful love for Rachel, as any of us are inclined to be motivated by such feelings. But he also put his mind and heart to the emotional and real work of "render[ing] due benevolence" to Leah despite the lack of natural feelings for her. (see 1 Corinthians 7:3) His effort paid off in the form of genuine feelings for her that in turn produced a deeply joyful Leah who praised the Lord because of it.
A Word About Polygamy
In order to see this account for what it really was at the time and in its original context, we have to take our twenty-first century, Western blinders off and really be willing to look at polygamy and arranged marriages the way they did back then. We'll discuss the moral issues surrounding polygamy in an upcoming article, but for now, let it suffice me to say that polygamy was not looked down upon then as it is now, and arranged marriages were then, as they are now, often made by fathers or parents who knew the bride and groom to-be could or would love each other, especially given a legal and moral obligation to do so.
The other thing of which we traditionally accuse Laban is extorting another seven years of slave labor out of Jacob. I believe what really happened is that Laban wanted Leah to be as happily married as Rachel - to a man she loved, and who loved her. It makes me emotional to think that this loving father only wanted Leah to feel that she was every bit as worthy as Rachel was of Jacob's seven years of sweat. To me, this interpretation is much more consistent with Laban's character as we saw it earlier in the story. I think Laban felt the only way to get Leah happily married and have Jacob earn both daughters equally was to deceive him in this way. This ruse was not so much about tricking Jacob and sticking to tradition as it was about trying to do right by Leah.
Laban couldn't bring himself to just come right out and say, "Hey, Leah's in love with you too; howzabout a double wedding?" He wasn't at all sure Jacob would agree to such a proposal, given the moral considerations involved in the legal use of polygamy, given Jacob's lack of feelings for Leah, and given that another seven years of work were involved. So he arranged things in a way that seems to have ended up being perfectly acceptable to Jacob, once he understood Laban's intent. Once Jacob and Laban had a chance to understand each other, the Bible gives us no further no indication of any objection on Jacob's part - he "fulfilled [Leah's] week" before being married to Rachel, and he agreed to work the extra seven years. Here we see a glimpse of Jacob's great integrity in honoring a marriage covenant he had been tricked into making. How many of us would have been quick to cry foul and try to weasel our way out of this situation? I suppose it's possible he just didn't have the heart to retro-actively leave Leah at the altar, knowing how she felt about him, especially since he had already "[gone] in unto her" or, in other words, they had consummated the marriage.
I can't help but think of how Leah must have felt when she learned of her father's intent with regard to her, and of Jacob's reaction to this whole thing. Jacob was understandably confused and probably angry at the deception. But, having heard Laban's explanation, and probably being well aware of Leah's feelings for him, he too wanted to do right by Leah. For seven years, they had sought to sweep the elephant of Leah's feelings under the rug in light of Jacob's relationship with Rachel. But now, Leah was free to have what she so badly longed for, and Jacob was free to give it to her, it being evident that he chose to do exactly that. She must have been overjoyed - and all the more hopeful - that the day was not far off when Jacob would love her as he did Rachel.
Leah's Love for Jacob - Unrequited For a Time
Understandably, Leah's and Jacob's marriage started off without Jacob having much in the way of feelings for Leah. What feelings Jacob might have had toward Leah would have been those of friendship and respect, caring for someone who, like Rachel, was family, and with whom he'd also spent the previous seven years working on the family ranch. They knew each other very well, but their relationship was nothing like what Jacob had with Rachel.
Jacob knew this would not be enough. He had agreed to work seven years for Leah, as he had done for Rachel. This was very clearly a commitment to Laban - an expectation set by Laban - that he would love Leah as he did Rachel - even if it took time to get to where he genuinely felt that way. It says a great deal about Jacob to know that Laban wanted him to have both his daughters as wives. I don't think Jacob had it in his heart to let a fellow human being in Leah's position go unloved, especially since he had agreed to do otherwise, both through marriage and through a new work contract with her father.
Still, it took time to build that kind of relationship with her. The Bible account shows us a lovesick Leah pining after her husband for years, even to the point that her pining guided the naming of her sons:
"And Laban gave to Rachel his daughter Bilhah his handmaid to be her maid. And he went in also unto Rachel, and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years. And when the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the Lord hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me. And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the Lord hath heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon." (Genesis 29:29-33)
We have to remember that, in this context, the word "hate" has a stronger connotation for us than it did for them. "Hate" didn't mean there was animosity; it just meant Jacob loved Rachel and not Leah as yet, and Leah knew it. If we assume the sons were born about the same time apart as children in our day, then I posit that Reuben was born in the first year after the marriages, and Simeon was born two or three years later.
Sometime between Simeon and Levi, Leah began to feel that Jacob reciprocated her love for him - a thing which inspired the naming of the next two sons:
"And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the Lord: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing." (Genesis 29:34-35)
In other words, by the time Jacob had worked his seven years for Leah, her hope had been fulfilled. She had done everything in her power to love Jacob, hoping and praying for the day when he would love her too, and in the end, she was not disappointed.
Although Jacob "fell in love" with Rachel and had no difficulty sacrificing to have her in his life, the fact that he made the same sacrifice in order to do right by Leah shows that he understood the substance of what it means to be a husband, a spouse. Yes, he was influenced and motivated by his powerful love for Rachel, as any of us are inclined to be motivated by such feelings. But he also put his mind and heart to the emotional and real work of "render[ing] due benevolence" to Leah despite the lack of natural feelings for her. (see 1 Corinthians 7:3) His effort paid off in the form of genuine feelings for her that in turn produced a deeply joyful Leah who praised the Lord because of it.
A Word About Polygamy
In order to see this account for what it really was at the time and in its original context, we have to take our twenty-first century, Western blinders off and really be willing to look at polygamy and arranged marriages the way they did back then. We'll discuss the moral issues surrounding polygamy in an upcoming article, but for now, let it suffice me to say that polygamy was not looked down upon then as it is now, and arranged marriages were then, as they are now, often made by fathers or parents who knew the bride and groom to-be could or would love each other, especially given a legal and moral obligation to do so.
A Powerful Lesson on The Treatment of Marriage
To me, this story teaches us a thing or two about how to do marriage right.
In our time, people take the latitude to make of marriage what they will. To some, it is no more than an experiment. Ungodly people have made of the ordinances of God a social instrument that can be defined as we see fit. To others, it is the making of no more than a legal contract that can be entered into by any two parties, regardless of gender, a contract that ends when one party or the other no longer feels there is benefit in continuing to be bound by the agreement. To anyone who knows and loves God and His gospel, this can hardly be said to be even meaningful, much less binding!
But to Jacob, Rachel, and Leah, marriage was about the formation of families that were meant to stick together and to bring children into the world. Marriage was the making of sacred promises. The love that fulfills that promise wasn't "chemistry"; it was a choice they made and lived by every day to meet the needs and wants of their spouses to the extent possible - to render due benevolence. People "fall into" and "out of" the powerful physical attraction they call "love" left and right these days. But true love as demonstrated by the men and women of the Old Testament is a moment-to-moment choice we make and live by every day. It is a commitment to consistently work hard for the benefit and happiness of our spouses. This we do for the simple reason that, when it comes to family, loving is always the right thing to do. This we do because we understand that love is the consequence of striving to take care of our spouses, not the other way around. As both the people of the Old Testament and Latter-Day Saints have covenanted, day by day, we take each other once again to be our legally and lawfully wedded husband and wife, and "this we do of our own free will and choice."
Also of Interest
LDS Temple ordinances as described in the Bible
The best marriage book you'll ever read: His Needs, Her Needs - Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
To me, this story teaches us a thing or two about how to do marriage right.
In our time, people take the latitude to make of marriage what they will. To some, it is no more than an experiment. Ungodly people have made of the ordinances of God a social instrument that can be defined as we see fit. To others, it is the making of no more than a legal contract that can be entered into by any two parties, regardless of gender, a contract that ends when one party or the other no longer feels there is benefit in continuing to be bound by the agreement. To anyone who knows and loves God and His gospel, this can hardly be said to be even meaningful, much less binding!
But to Jacob, Rachel, and Leah, marriage was about the formation of families that were meant to stick together and to bring children into the world. Marriage was the making of sacred promises. The love that fulfills that promise wasn't "chemistry"; it was a choice they made and lived by every day to meet the needs and wants of their spouses to the extent possible - to render due benevolence. People "fall into" and "out of" the powerful physical attraction they call "love" left and right these days. But true love as demonstrated by the men and women of the Old Testament is a moment-to-moment choice we make and live by every day. It is a commitment to consistently work hard for the benefit and happiness of our spouses. This we do for the simple reason that, when it comes to family, loving is always the right thing to do. This we do because we understand that love is the consequence of striving to take care of our spouses, not the other way around. As both the people of the Old Testament and Latter-Day Saints have covenanted, day by day, we take each other once again to be our legally and lawfully wedded husband and wife, and "this we do of our own free will and choice."
Also of Interest
LDS Temple ordinances as described in the Bible
The best marriage book you'll ever read: His Needs, Her Needs - Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
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