Monday, August 19, 2013

What Jesus Christ Means to Me



On Christmas Eve 2012, one of the bishop's counselors called and asked me to give a talk about "What Jesus Christ Means to Me". He gave me wide berth to address the subject as I saw fit.


Introduction


After I got off the phone, I started thinking about how I might address such a broad subject, and I realized that what Jesus Christ meant to me had a lot to do with overcoming some pretty heavy stuff in my life. I felt like I couldn't really tell the congregation what He means to me without also letting them get some idea of some of the trouble I'd gotten myself into, and from thence, what He had done for me in delivering me from it. 


I feel very strongly that the only way I can tell you what my Savior did for me - what He can do for you - is to tell you of some of the struggles I've had, and how He helped me overcome them. I feel like this is the only way I can help you understand my heart-rending search for badly needed answers to questions that tormented me for years: How do I overcome this? If me telling my story can save just one fellow human being from spending so much as a week of his or her life in the hellacious nightmare that tormented me for so long, then it will have been well worth any shame I may come to bear as a result of publishing it.

So, at the risk of being thought less of, I share with you a digest version of my personal quest to gain the tools I have needed to overcome serious sin - tools I still need to maintain freedom from it.

This article is a transcript of the talk I gave, along with some edits and some other thoughts that I had meant to include in it.


Not Knowing My Savior


There was a time, before I really knew my Savior, when I believed or I kind of felt that God was up on his cloud and I'm down here on Earth, trying to figure out how to get home to Him, that most of the blessings that come from living the gospel don't come until the day of salvation - at the last day, that the Lord had kind of sent us the gospel, and the gift of the Holy Ghost, and the scriptures, to kind of drop us some clues, but then just sort of left us figuring things out on our own. I just had this very limited understanding of the Lord's role in my life. But, the trials of life being what they are, I was destined to learn differently! I was destined to learn what Alma the Younger meant when he taught the Zoramites, saying:


"I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you." (Alma 34:31)




The Bottom of My Life

My story starts at a dark chapter in my life, a point that I call the "bottom of my life". A lot of things had gone wrong. I had been through four or five bishops, a handful of counselors, LDS Social Services, medication - trying to overcome something that needed to change, and I was getting nowhere! Strangely, none of these people ever really taught me how to come unto Christ and be saved. Thankfully, He saw fit to teach me that Himself.


At this point in my life, I felt like I was in spiritual chains. It was at this point that I arrived at my parents' house one day; my Mom presented me with a book that she had picked out for me to read. The title: "He Did Deliver Me From Bondage". Those words struck me like lightning that day! I knew that I was in spiritual bondage! I knew that I needed to change, that I needed help. 

I couldn't just go get another counselor, because I knew the kinds of questions they'd ask; I knew the answers we'd come up with. I knew that I needed more power and wisdom, power and wisdom beyond my own, power and wisdom beyond those of my counselors of the past. 

Somewhere in my reading and studying, I ran across that oft-quoted verse in Isaiah:

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful... Counsellor!" (Isaiah 9:6)

That word stopped me mid-sentence! I knew that I needed a Wonderful Counselor, a mighty God, an everlasting Father, a Prince of Peace!


Hitting Emotional Rock Bottom

Well, some weeks went by as I was settling into new living arrangements, trying to get my life back in order. I read through the book, and then decided to read it again - this time with intent to act on some of the things it was teaching me. 

I knelt, and I turned to the Lord, and I said, "I've tried all these other things; you're my last hope! I need you to help me, and I need to make this change, and if this doesn't work, I'm just going to give up, because I don't know what else to do!" I was all out of things to try, and I needed the Lord's help. 

Well, He took hold of that willingness to change, and He just gently brushed aside any thoughts of giving up, and He just took charge. From that moment, things began to change - slowly, painfully... but surely!

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow..." (Isaiah 1:18)


Beginning the Long Upward Climb

My scripture study, instead of being a blazing through the words and get on with my day, became something that I... I learned to drink deeply from the scriptures. I learned to read each verse, each chapter, like this could be the verse, this could be the chapter that holds the answers I need. My daily prayers became a pleading with the Lord to teach me and show me, "What do I need to do next? Help me; give me some strength!" 

Gradually, the Lord worked with me, and slowly, things continued to change. 



Discovering the Power of Fasting

One of the things I ran into in my scripture study was these words from Isaiah again:

"Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?"  (Isaiah 58:6)

I began to fast frequently - more frequently than just every Fast Sunday - not that it's recommended, but in my case, I needed it badly, and, in retrospect, I'm very glad I did. For the power of fasting proved powerful enough to break a yoke I needed broken!


My Big "Ahah" Moment: Needing Bands Loosened

My big "ahah" moment with the transforming power of the Atonement came as I was just doing my daily Book of Mormon reading. On this particular day, I happened to be reading in Alma chapter five:

"And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, you that belong to this church, have you sufficiently retained in remembrance the captivity of your fathers? Yea, and have you sufficiently retained in remembrance his mercy and long-suffering towards them? And moreover, have ye sufficiently retained in remembrance that he has delivered their souls from hell? Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness (as I was); nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word; yea, they were encircled about by the bands of death (as I had been), and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did await them. And now I ask of you, my brethren, were they destroyed? Behold, I say unto you, Nay, they were not. And again I ask, were the bands of death broken, and the chains of hell which encircled them about, were they loosed? I say unto you, Yea, they were loosed, and their souls did expand, and they did sing redeeming love. And I say unto you that they are saved. ...did not my father Alma believe in the words which were delivered by the mouth of Abinadi? ...Did he not speak the words of God, and my father Alma believe them? And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart...  And behold, he preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved." (Alma 5:6-13)

I knew that I needed bands loosening; I knew that I needed a mighty change of heart!

"...faithful until the end..."  This congregation that he was speaking to was largely the age of people about the age of the two-thousand stripling warriors and their parents. So it was their parents, and grandparents, that he was referring to in this story - people who were still alive. Yet he is saying "they are saved... Behold... this is all true".

Salvation - the power of the Lord unto salvation - is available to us in this life, if we will seek it.


Feeling Something Very Different Inside

Well, as I continued to work, there came I day when I was sitting in sacrament meeting, and as the organ music started - the introduction for the sacrament hymn - I felt a powerful Spirit sweep over me. I knew that taking the Sacrament would be different today! 

I took the Sacrament, and I felt what can only be described as a baptism of fire! I walked away from the sacrament table that day, feeling something very different inside of me! The bands were loosed!

That day, as I pondered the events of the Sacrament Meeting, I felt the Spirit kind of tap me on the shoulder, and He said, "I have something I need to do for you, and I need you to trust me; I need you to let me in."  I felt the Spirit working my heart over, doing a sort of spiritual open-heart surgery, cutting away ugly things that needed to go! Parts of it hurt, but oh the joy, and peace, and the sense of freedom that I had when the job was done!  

I had experienced a circumcision of heart - a mighty change of heart! 

The next time temptation struck, instead of feeling weak and wondering what the outcome was going to be, I was apalled that the adversary would have the nerve to approach a redeemed son of God with the likes of such filth! Then it dawned on me: "redeemed son of God..." I remembered those words from the New Testament:

"But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name." (John 1:12, compare 3 Nephi 9:17)


I felt what it is to look myself in the mirror and see in my own countenance the salvation of my God! (see Isaiah 52:10)


Come Unto Me

Some time went by, and I kind of hit a rough patch, where I felt like I was losing more battles than I was winning again. I decided to pick up the fasting again. Only this time, the Lord stopped me, and He said: "you know, today, instead of doing a go-without-food fast, I want you to do a go-without-giving-into-temptation fast." That kind of stopped me, kind of clued me that, wait a minute, you've got the power, you've got the resources; the fasting is not going to help. You just need to get on the ball. 

But more importantly, I asked myself this question: "Well, if I'm fasting to have the power to overcome the temptation, and you're telling me that overcoming the temptation should be the fast, then what is it I'm supposed to be fasting for? I kind of put that question to the Lord in prayer, and I let Him answer. In that moment, I felt the Lord sort of extend a personal invitation to me, and I knew what He meant when I felt Him say, "Come unto me, all ye ends of the earth, and be saved." You see, He wanted me to get rid of the sin, not just to get rid of the sin, but to make room for Him to be a part of my life. He wanted to come down into my muddy mess and work with me, side by side, to help me find my way out of it. He wanted to be my Friend. He wanted me to let Him be my God. He wanted me to want it badly enough to fast for it, want it badly enough to sacrifice unto obedience to have it.




The Touch of the Master's Hand


Many people have felt the touch of the Master's hand in their lives: the blind have received their sight, the deaf their hearing, the lame their walking, the lepers their cleanliness. My miracle was a little different. 

Through a series of poor choices, I had become what Isaiah would call a lawful captive:


"Shall the prey be taken from the mighty, or the lawful captive delivered? But thus saith the Lord, Even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered: for I will contend with him that contendeth with thee..." (Isaiah 49:24-25, Compare 2 Nephi 6:16-17)


Back to Isaiah chapter nine: "thou hast broken the yoke of his burden, and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor... For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood; but this shall be with burning and fuel of fire (... even a baptism of fire)." (Isaiah 9:4-5, compare 2 Nephi 19:4-5)



Sow to Yourselves in Righteousness

Referring to the Savior, Paul wrote to the Hebrews:


"...for we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15-16)

Being a music person, I have about fifty favorite hymns. One of them is Hymn #141 - Jesus the Very Thought of Thee. The third verse reads:

"O hope of ev'ry contrite heart,
O joy of all the meek,
To those who fall 
how kind Thou art, 
How good to those who seek."

A prophet that we don't often hear quoted from in the Old Testament said:

"Sow to yourselves in righteousness, reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground: for it is time to seek the Lord, till he come and rain righteousness upon you." (Hosea 10:12)

I would challenge each of us to look at something we know is in our lives, that needs to be changed. Let us not wait any longer for life or circumstance to change who we are. Let us not make anymore excuses; let us not delay the day of our repentance. We all have things we could do better at. Let us set some serious goals with the Lord. Let's be working in earnest, and changing, and doing the things we know we need to be doing. 

I can testify that, if we will set those goals, and make a serious effort in earnest, the Lord will recognize that effort. If we will involve Him in that effort, and have Him teaching, and guiding and leading us along the way, gradually, we will see success, until the day come when we feel the Lord come and rain righteousness upon us, even increasing success in living the gospel, and knowing the joy that comes with it. That's what my Savior means to me.


These things I say, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.



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